How can I have less conflict?

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How can you live a life with less drama and more peace?

How can you live a life with less stress and more smiles?

It’s pretty simple … mind your own business.

If you want less conflict, simply mind your own business. Keep your nose out of other peoples problems. When you do, your stress level and conflict quotient will go way down. 

Paul talks about this in I Timothy 5, when he was teaching his young protege, Timothy how to deal with a certain group of young woman in his congregation. Now the context of this passage is speaking specifically about a ladies that are in Timothy’s church. However, the point Paul is making crosses over into our time, and relates to both genders. Here is what Paul wrote to Timothy. 

I Timothy 5:13-15

Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.

Paul is letting Timothy know that there is this group of woman that when left to their own devices will become nothing but, busybodies going from house to house, seeing what everyone else is doing. They will then, take that information to another person, then another, and another. Constantly gossiping and getting up in other peoples problems. 


Paul tells Timothy, instruct these ladies to get married and start managing their own house. In other words, tell these ladies to - mind their own business. Quit getting over in other people’s private life and causing a problem that was small to grow larger and larger. 

If we are honest with ourselves, we spend hours every week talking about how someone else is living their life. We like these ladies, through Facebook, through phone calls, and text, get all the down low and details of how “Uncle Eddie” is living or what “Mr and Mrs So and So” did to someone that we don’t even personally know. 

We get so tense. We get so conflicted. We get so uptight, over how they spend their money. How they are living life and the choices they are making. However the truth of the matter is, how they are living and the choices they are making don’t even affect us at all. They don’t affect us until, we start making comments to other people or start chatting with other friends and family. Then, when Uncle Eddie and Mr So and So hear about it, they get hurt, and upset. They then make comments, to other people that we know and now we are hurt because of what they said about us. We have been pulled into a problem that was not even ours to begin with. 

We waste so much of our time, worrying about, talking about, and thinking about other people. 

You would probably cut your tension and stress level down 25% if you would simply mind your own business.

I recently published an audio book designed to help you make the changes you need to make by taking a good look at your problems, the people in your life, and the questions you have about God. We want to get this into your hands so we have made it absolutely FREE.

Download your copy of the free “Something Needs to Change” audio book here.

QUESTIONS TO ASK OURSELVES

1 - What is actually my business?

2 - Do I struggle with finding out and talking about what “they” are doing?

2 - What can I do to change? 


Small is the new big and simple is better than ever.

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Two trends I’ve been noticing are:

1 - Small is the new Big.

Look around at the explosion of minimalism and tiny homes. Small is a big deal. In the church world, if we don’t learn how to master the art of breaking larger gatherings of people into smaller groups, we will never be effective at raising large numbers disciples. 

2 - Simple is better than ever.

The world is so complicated today, there are so many things vying for our time and energy. I think if we can simply do simple things well, we will actually make a big impact in the lives of others.

So here are five simple keys to life changing small groups.

Fun
Be sure to keep the mood light and fun. People open up when they are laughing and having a good time. Think ways to break the ice and have a good time each week with your group. 

Food
Many times Jesus taught people while eating a meal together. You don’t have to have a full meal at your gatherings but some beverages and light snacks will go a long way in setting the tone for the evening. 

Friendly
Everyone wants to go where someone knows their name. Make your groups strategically friendly. Pick a few people to help you make sure everyone is not just greeted but feels completely welcomed and a part of your gathering. 

Faith
Faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. Every week make sure that you put some element of God’s word and prayer into your group. Also, give everyone a chance to be a part of the discussion every week. Groups are not so much a time of “preaching” as they are “participation”. Every week give your group a chance to grow by participating in the discussion of faith. 

Follow Up 
John Maxwells statement, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care” is so true. Because of this, follow Up is one of the greatest keys to a healthy small group.

Let people know you care about them.
Let people know you were glad they were there.
Let people know you want them to return again.
Let people know that you missed them when they weren’t able to attend. 

Three easy ways to follow up every week.
1. Send a personal text message. Don’t ever send a message that does not include their name.
2. Send a hand written Post Card. Make it personal to them, not just a push to attend your group.
3. Make plans to connect with them at Church on Sunday or grab a coffee before or after the service.

I know. I know. This is so simple. Fun, Food, Friends, Faith, and Follow Up. It has to be more complicated than that. Well, no I don’t think it does. When you look at the first church we see that they, gathered in the temple, they broke bread, house to house, focusing on the teachings of scripture, and every day people got saved.

What if we just focused on doing simple things really well in small environments. I think, not only would our life be a little easier, we might just make a bigger impact. .

Five things that will allow you to be used by God.

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I’ve had so many people through the years tell me how they felt called to ministry and they want to be used by God, only to step completely out of serving or even the church within just a couple of years. Far too many times we say we want something but we are not willing to do what it takes to receive it. Today I want to give you five things that you are going to have to do in order to be used by God in the lives of other.

1 - Understand How Amazing it is to know Jesus 

The Children of Israel had it so so good. God delivered them from 400 years of Slavery. Gave them a cloud by day and fire by night. He parted the Red Sea, fed them Manna from Heaven, gave them water from a rock and more. However within days of every miracle the Children of Israel complained. They took for granted how incredible this God was and everything He had been doing for them and because of it, this group of people never made it to the Promise Land. 

You and I need to learn from their mistakes. 

When it comes to our relationship with God. God is amazing and we need to never forget that! This God that created the universe, died on the cross, and rose from the dead, actually talked to you today. He not only knows you, He shows himself to you every single day. Don’t take that for granted. Because if you do, someone else will walk into your personal promised Land.

2 - Live Holy 

2 Timothy 2:20-22 says “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart”

If you want to be one of the vessels that are used by God for honorable, and good things, you are going to have to be Holy.
Holiness is not just “fleeing evil desires”. Holiness is also pursuing good desires (righteousness, faith, love, and peace). 

Our level of holiness will determine our level of usefulness to His kingdom. 

3 - Forgive Others 

Mathew 5:21-24
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to   judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Unforgiveness stops the communication between us and God. Before we offer God the sacrifice of our time, talent and treasure we need to check our relationships with those around us. God is not just concerned with how we treat and relate to Him, He is also concerned with how we treat those around us.

Open relationships, open the door for God’s blessing. 

4 - Listen More and Talk Less

James 1:19
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

There are times when God speaks to us thru those around us. If we are so busy talking, we will never hear His voice. When you are in meetings, at home or talking to someone in the hallway at Church…Listen. Don’t show the people around you how much you know, show them how much you care. Listen to others and God will give you opportunities to serve Him by serving their needs. 

5 - Stop Looking for the next big thing and understand the task in front of you is the next big thing.

As kids we were always looking for next big milestone in our life. “I can’t wait untill I’m in Junior High. I can’t wait untill I’m an 8th grader and rule the school. I can’t wait untill I can drive, go to college or move out of the house. Then … then my life will be so much better!”

When we look to the future for what is coming up, we miss the opportunity to enjoy the moment that is right in front of us. One of the keys to being used by God is understanding that the thing in front of you is the big thing God has for you.

We need to have the mentality that whatever it is that I am doing now, I will go all in! If I am, sitting in a leadership lesson, doing a planning meeting, singing in a worship set, or serving in the nursery… I will give by absolute best.

Jesus once said, “If you are faithful in that which is little you will be faithful over that which is much”. If you and I are faithful with what we are doing now, God will trust us with what He is wanting to give us in the future. So stop looking of the next thing and simply do the best you can at what you are doing right now.


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If you are going to do a meeting. Do it right.

I think we would all agree, there are not too many tings worse in the work place than … bad meetings.  Boring. Dry. People always talk during the meeting, but nothing seems to happen after the meeting. Meetings are a waist of time. However, I don’t really think it has to be that way. Meetings, if done correctly, can be great catalyst for change and success in every aspect of your team. 

So, if you’re going to do a meeting … do it right. 

Here are some things I always make sure to do for meetings.


1. Ask that question, “Do we really have to meet or can this be done over the phone, email, or text.

The truth is most meetings don't need to be meetings. A simple email or text would do. 

Don’t waist time or energy meeting when you don’t have to. Get the information across. Get the answer you need. So you can get back to work.

2) Define the "win" for the meeting.  

What are the top three to four things we want to accomplish during this gathering of the minds. I’ve found that if we are covering more than four things, the meeting goes too long and even though we started out strong, we begin to lose focus and energy on the last few points on the agenda. Keep the meeting to three to possibly items. Anything after that can be take care of in the next meeting or via emails, phone calls, or quick office conversation.

3) Define your meeting.

There are two different types of meetings. 

Creative Meeting:

The purpose of a creative to create things that solve problems, complete tasks, or fulfill your mission. Things like, brainstorming, coming up with series ideas, developing outreach events, new ministry ideas, developing strategies, or big picture changes that would move or church, ministry, organization forward.

Structural Meeting:

In a structural meeting you are working on the things that make what you do work. Are we keeping our standards? Are we accomplishing our goals? What can we do to improve our systems? What tasks need to be accomplished? How are we paying for this?

Define what type of meeting you are having and set three to four goals for each meeting.


5) Only have the people needed in the meeting. 

Sometimes people feel like they are not important (valuable) if they are not in a meeting. 

Set the precedent with your staff, that you are so valuable that not everyone is going to be in every meeting, Because of the value you bring to our organization, we don't want to waste your time, sitting in on something that will take you away from the much needed tasks you are doing or people you are leading.

6) Stay on task during the meeting.

Nothing is worse than rabbit trails. In meetings we don’

7) If getting off on rabbit trails, take a break and come back when ready to focus again.

8) Make sure everyone knows their action steps once they leave the meeting. 

If there are no action steps (to dos) at the end of the meeting, then we just wasted our time. We are meeting to “do what we do” because of this, everyone needs to have clearly defined steps to take once they leave the meeting. 

9)  When the "win" has been accomplished, call the meeting over and move on.

10) Have fun.

There is no reason, meetings have to be boring, dull, and dry. We are getting together to get better at what we do. Yes lets, roll our sleeves up and get to work, but there is nothing that says, we can’t smile while we are doing it.

These are the ten things we do to try and have good meetings. Hope it helps.

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